GULLIVER DESCRIBES GOVERNMENT
Our affairs during the last Century were only a heap of
conspiracies, rebellions, murders, massacres, revolutions, banishments,
the very worst effects that avarice, faction, hypocrisy, perfidiousness, cruelty,
rage, madness, hatred, envy, lust, malice, or ambition could produce.
PART 3, CHAPTER 9 - Gulliver speaks to the leader of Luggnag:
...A Messenger was dispatch'd half a Day's Journey before us, to give the King Notice of my Approach, and to desire that his Majesty would please appoint a Day and Hour, when it would be his gracious Pleasure that I might have the Honour to lick the Dust before his Footstool. This is the Court Style, and I found it to be more than Matter of Form: For upon my Admittance two Days after my Arrival, I was commanded to crawl upon my Belly, and lick the Floor as I advanced; but on Account of my being a Stranger, Care was taken to have it made so clean that the Dust was not offensive. However, this was a peculiar Grace, not allowed to any but Persons of the highest Rank, when they desire an Admittance. Nay, sometimes the Floor is strewed with Dust on purpose, when the Person to be admitted happens to have powerful Enemies at Court. And I have seen a great Lord with his Mouth so crammed, that when he had crept to the proper Distance from the Throne, he was not able to speak a Word. Neither is there any Remedy, because it is capital for those who receive an Audience to spit or wipe their Mouths in his Majesty's Presence. There is indeed another Custom, which I cannot altogether approve of. When the King has a Mind to put any of his Nobles to Death in a gentle indulgent Manner; he commands to have the Floor strowed with a certain brown Powder, of a deadly Composition, which being licked up infallibly kills him in twenty-four Hours. But in Justice to this Prince's great Clemency, and the Care he hath of his Subject's Lives (wherein it were much to be wished that the Monarchs of Europe would imitate him) it must be mentioned for his Honour, that strict Orders are given to have the infected Parts of the Floor well washed after every such Execution; which if his Domesticks neglect, they are in Danger of incurring his Royal Displeasure. I my self heard him give Directions, that one of his Pages should be whipt, whose Turn it was to give Notice about washing the Floor after an Execution, but maliciously had omitted it; by which Neglect a young Lord of great Hopes coming to an Audience, was unfortunately poisoned, although the King at that Time had no Design against his Life. But this good Prince was so gracious, as to forgive the poor Page his Whipping, upon Promise that he would do so no more, without special Orders.
To return from this Digression; when I had crept within four Yards of the Throne, I raised my self gently upon my Knees, and then striking my Forehead seven Times on the Ground, I pronounced the following Words, as they had been taught me the Night before, Ickpling Gloffthrobb Squutserumm blhiop Mlashnalt Zwin tnodbalkguffh Slhiophad Gurdlubh Asht. This is the Compliment established by the Laws of the Land for all Persons admitted to the King's Presence. It may be rendered into English thus: May your celestial Majesty out-live the Sun, eleven Moons and an half. To this the King returned some Answer, which although I could not understand, yet I replied as I had been directed; Fluft drin Yalerick Dwuldum prastrad mirplush, which properly signifies, My Tongue is in the Mouth of my Friend; and by this Expression was meant that I desired leave to bring my Interpreter; whereupon the young Man already mentioned was accordingly introduced, by whose Intervention I answer'd as many Questions as his Majesty could put in above an Hour. I spoke in the Balnibarbian Tongue, and my Interpreter delivered my Meaning in that of Luggnagg...
PART 4, CHAPTER 6 - Gulliver speaking to the leader of the Houyhnhnms:
...I told him, that a First or Chief Minister of State, whom I intended to describe, was a Creature wholly exempt from Joy and Grief, Love and Hatred, Pity and Anger; at least made use of no other Passions but a violent Desire of Wealth, Power, and Titles: That he applies his Words to all Uses, except to the Indication of his Mind; That he never tells a Truth, but with an Intent that you should take it for a Lye; nor a Lye, but with a Design that you should take it for a Truth; That those he speaks worst of behind their Backs, are in the surest way of Preferment; and whenever he begins to praise you to others or to your self, you are from that Day forlorn. The worst Mark you can receive is a Promise, especially when it is confirmed with an Oath; after which every wise Man retires, and gives over all Hopes.
There are three Methods by which a Man may rise to be Chief Minister: The first is by knowing how with Prudence to dispose of a Wife, a Daughter, or a Sister: The second, by betraying or undermining his Predecessor: And the third is, by a furious Zeal in publick Assemblies against the Corruptions of the Court. But a wise Prince would rather chuse to employ those who practice the last of these Methods; because such Zealots prove always the most obsequious and subservient to the Will and Passions of their Master. That, these Ministers having all Employments at their Disposal, preserve themselves in Power by bribing the Majority of a Senate or great Council; and at last by an Expedient called an Act of Indemnity (whereof I described the Nature to him) they secure themselves from After-reckonings, and retire from the Publick, laden with the Spoils of the Nation.
The Palace of a Chief Minister, is a Seminary to breed up others in his own Trade: The Pages, Lacquies, and Porter, by imitating their Master, become Ministers of State in their several Districts, and learn to excel in the three principal Ingredients, of Insolence, Lying, and Bribery. Accordingly, they have a Subaltern Court paid to them by Persons of the best Rank; and sometimes by the Force of Dexterity and Impudence, arrive through several Gradations to be Successors to their Lord.
He is usually governed by a decayed Wench or favourite Footman, who are the Tunnels through which all Graces are conveyed, and may properly be called, in the last Resort, the Governors of the Kingdom...
Our young Noblemen are bred from their Childhood in Idleness and Luxury; that as soon as Years will permit, they consume their Vigour, and contract odious Diseases among lewd Females; and when their Fortunes are almost ruined, they marry some woman of mean Birth, disagreeable Person, and unsound Constitution, merely for the Sake of Money, whom they hate and despise. That the Productions of such Marriages are generally scrophulous, ricketty, or deformed Children; by which Means the Family seldom continues above Three Generations, unless the Wife takes Care to provide a healthy Father among her Neighbours, or Domesticks, in order to improve and continue the Breed. That a weak diseased Body, a meager Countenance, and sallow Complexion, are no uncommon Marks of a Great Man; and a healthy robust Appearance is so far disgraceful in a Man of Quality, that the World is apt to conclude his real Father to have been one of the Inferiors of the Family, especially when it is seen that the Imperfections of his Mind run parallel with those of his Body; and are little else than a Composition of Spleen, Dullness, Ignorance, Caprice, Sensuality, and Pride.
PART 2, CHAPTER 6 - The leader of Brobdingnag speaks to Gulliver:
...He was perfectly astonished with the historical Account I gave him of our Affairs during the last Century, protesting it was only a Heap of Conspiracies, Rebellions, Murders, Massacres, Revolutions, Banishments, the very worst Effects that Avarice, Faction, Hypocrisy, Perfidiousness, Cruelty, Rage, Madness, Hatred, Envy, Lust, Malice, or Ambition could produce.
His Majesty in another Audience was at the Pains to recapitulate the Sum of all I had spoken, compared the Questions he made with the Answers I had given; then taking me into his Hands, and stroaking me gently, delivered himself in these Words, which I shall never forget nor the Manner he spoke them in: My little Friend Grildrig, you have made a most admirable Panegyric upon your Country: You have clearly proved that Ignorance, Idleness, and Vice may be sometimes the only Ingredients for qualifying a Legislator: That Laws are best explained, interpreted, and applied by those whose Interest and Abilities lie in perverting, confounding, and eluding them. I observe among you some Lines of an Institution, which in its Original might have been tolerable, but these half erazed, and the rest wholly blurred and blotted by Corruptions. It doth not appear from all you have said, how any one Virtue is required towards the Procurement of any one Station among you, much less that Men are ennobled on Account of their Virtue, that Priests are advanced for their Piety or Learning, Soldiers for their Conduct or Valour, Judges for their Integrity, Senators for the Love of their Country, or Counsellors for their Wisdom. As for yourself, (continued the King,) who have spent the greatest Part of your Life in Travelling, I am well disposed to hope you may hitherto have escaped many Vices of your Country. But by what I have gathered from your own Relation, and the Answers I have with much Pain wringed and extorted from you, I cannot but conclude the Bulk of your Natives to be the most pernicious Race of little odious Vermin that Nature ever suffered to crawl upon the Surface of the Earth.
PART 4, CHAPTER 7 - The leader of the Houyhnhnms explains to Gulliver:
...As to Learning, Government, Arts, Manufactures, and the like, my Master confessed he could find little or no Resemblance between the Yahoos of that Country and those in ours. For, he only meant to observe what Parity there was in our Natures. He had heard indeed some curious Houyhnhnms observe, that in most Herds there was a sort of ruling Yahoo..., who was always more deformed in Body and mischievous in Disposition, than any of the rest. That this Leader had usually a Favourite as like himself as he could get, whose Employment was to lick his Master's Feet and Posteriors, and drive the Female Yahoos to his Kennel; for which he was now and then rewarded with a piece of Ass's Flesh. This Favourite is hated by the whole Herd, and therefore to protect himself, keeps always near the Person of his Leader. He usually continues in Office till worse can be found; but the very Moment he is discarded, his Successor at the Head of all the Yahoos in that District, Young and Old, Male and Female, come in a Body, and discharge their Excrements upon him from Head to Foot. But how far this might be applicable to our Courts and Favourites, and Ministers of State, my Master said I could best determine....
10.The Rulers and 5.Pyramidal New World Order and 8.Classes of People and 7.Systems of Thought
GULLIVER'S TRAVEL TRUTHS
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