Gay marriage gets Simpsons treatment
by Nicholas Kohler, National Post, Feb 22, 2005

One of Marge Simpson's twin sisters - Patty Bouvier - is gay. The revelation came on last night's episode of The Simpsons, as Springfield decides to permit same-sex marriage, and an ordained Homer Simpson becomes the town's premier marriage priest. Patty asks Homer to marry her and her new partner, Veronica, who has a secret of her own.

"So, Patty, you're a woman who likes women?" asks Marge nervously. "You could see it from outer space, Marge," Patty tells her sister, who has missed a lifetime of cues. "You act all liberal," Patty complains to straight-laced Marge, "But you can't handle when your sister finds love in her own locker room."

Standing before Homer and his cardboard priest's collar at the altar, Patty gushes: "I have found the yin for my yin". But when Veronica turns out to be a man who's posed in drag to excel in pro-golf, Patty is disgusted - especialy when the man still wants to pursue marrige. "Hell no," says Patty. "I like girls."

That wasn't where the episode's discussion of gay marriage ended. Springfield's townsfolk turn to gay marriage for monetary reasons after one of Bart Simpson's pranks ruins the local tourist trade. At Lisa Simpson's suggestion, Mayor Quimby agrees to allow same-sex marriage, which he hopes will attract hefty homosexual dough. Running a gay-friendly ad carrying the improbable Web site address, www.springfieldisforgayloversofmarriage.com, the town appeals to homosexuals to choose Springfield as their marriage destination.

Reverend Lovejoy, however, is unimpressed, saying he can no sooner carry out gay marriage ceremonies "then I can put a hamburger on a hotdog bun".

That's when Homer steps in, building a ramshackle chapel in his front yard and getting ordained on the Internet. As with all of Homer's shenanigans, the motivation is avarice, with gay couples he spots strolling hand-in-hand down the street transformed into huge dollar bills. When his first takers - Julio and Sam - get hitched, Homer tells them they're married in Massachusetts, Vermont and "maybe" Canada. Stay away from Texas, he tells them. "What can I say - I love love," Homer tells his family at one point, echoing a famous pasage of St. Augustine's - "Love loves to love love."

Still, it's the "matri-money" that appeals to Homer, who soon begins marrying anything that moves, including a hillbilly brother and sister couple. "The church of Matri-money," reads a sign Homer posts before his chapel, "will now marry anything to anything else (diaper fee for chimp brides)." Even the sea captain gets into the act, carrying in the wooden maiden from the bow of his ship.

"Have we started down a slippery slope?" a TV anchorman asks Homer, who responds by offering to marry Reverend Lovejoy and his Bible.

WAR BY SEXUAL DEPRAVITY

Simpsons homosexual marriage show (thrust in faces of millions of children). Scotsman, Feb 22, 2005

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